FOR VALENTINE'S DAY

Let Your Heart
Talk to Your Brain
~ By Sara Childre ~

Did you know that the heart contains a brain in its own right? What do researchers mean when they talk about heart-brain interactions? Why is it important to you? Researchers at the Institute of HeartMath and other organizations have shown that the human heart, in addition to its other functions, actually possesses the equivalent of its own brain, called the 'heart brain,' which interacts and communicates with the 'head brain.'

 

When I first heard about this, it intuitively made sense. Then as I delved into the research, it really confirmed what I have felt for a long time: that the heart has its own way of KNOWING. Until recently, scientists assumed and most of us were taught that it was only the brain that sent information and issued commands to the heart, but now we know that it works both ways. The heart and head communicate via a number of pathways. Between them they continually exchange critical information that influences how the body functions.

 

Dr. J. Andrew Armour first introduced the term 'heart brain' in 1991. Armour showed that the heart's complex intrinsic nervous system qualified as a "little brain." This heart brain, explains Science of the Heart, published by Institute of HeartMath, "is an intricate network of several types of neurons, neurotransmitters, proteins and support cells, like those found in the brain proper.

 

Research has shown that the heart communicates to the brain in four major ways: neurologically (through the transmission of nerve impulses), biochemically (via hormones and neurotransmitters), biophysically (through pressure waves) and energetically (through electromagnetic field interactions)." Its elaborate circuitry enables it to act independently of the cranial brain — to learn, remember, and even feel and sense.

 

Heart-Brain Communication Pathways Diagram

The diagram above shows the neural communication pathways between the heart and the brain. The heart's intrinsic nervous system consists of ganglia, which contain local circuit neurons of several types, and sensory neurites, which are distributed throughout the heart.

 

The intrinsic ganglia process and integrate inflowing information from the extrinsic nervous system and from the sensory neurites within the heart. The extrinsic cardiac ganglia, located in the thoracic cavity, have direct connections to organs such as the lungs and esophagus and are also indirectly connected via the spinal cord to many other organs, including the skin and arteries.

 

The "afferent" (flowing to the brain) parasympathetic information travels from the heart to the brain through the vagus nerve to the medulla, after passing through the nodose ganglion. The sympathetic afferent nerves first connect to the extrinsic cardiac ganglia (also a processing center), then to the dorsal root ganglion and the spinal cord. Once afferent signals reach the medulla, they travel to the subcortical areas (thalamus, amygdala, etc.) and then to the cortical areas.

 

"Communication along all these conduits significantly affects the brain's activity," Science of the Heart says. "Moreover, research shows that messages the heart sends the brain can also affect performance."

 



One important way the heart can speak to and influence the brain is when the heart is coherent - generating a stable, sine-wavelike pattern in its rhythms. When the heart is coherent, the body, including the brain, begins to experience all sorts of benefits, among them greater mental clarity and intuitive ability, including better decision-making.

 

Although the heart and brain are in constant communication, each of us also has the capacity to consciously and intentionally direct our heart to communicate to the brain and body in beneficial ways.

 

When we intentionally experience sincere positive emotions, such as caring, compassion or appreciation for someone or something, the heart processes these emotions and the heart's rhythm becomes more coherent and harmonious. The heart then sends this harmonious information throughout the entire body via the processes mentioned above — neurologically, biochemically, biophysically and energetically.

 

We've all had the experience of feeling the uplifting and harmonizing effects of sincere positive emotions. Now that we understand why, we can create those experiences more of the time. I often use one simple tool, called the Quick Coherence® technique, to shift into a positive feeling and coherent heart rhythm in less than a minute. It can take a little practice, but it gets easier and quicker the more you do it.

 

 

Quick Coherence® Technique
(go here for details)



 

Heart Focus: Shift your attention to the area of the heart and breathe slowly and deeply.

Heart Breathing: Keep your focus in the heart by gently breathing — five seconds in and five seconds out — through your heart. Do this two or three times.

Heart Feeling: Activate and sustain a genuine feeling of appreciation or care for someone or something in your life. Focus on the good heart feeling as you continue to breathe through the area of your heart.

 

By Sara Childre, President and CEO of the non-profit Institute of HeartMath. Since 1991, Sara has helped oversee and develop HeartMath trainings, educational products and scientific programs. She was appointed vice president and CFO of the
institute in 1992, then president and CEO in 1998.

 

Reprinted from Care2.com

 

ANSWERS & ENCOURAGEMENT: Finding Bliss

TEN SIMPLE WAYS

 TO EXPERIENCE BLISS

... By  Debbie Gisonni ...
 

The beautiful photos on this page were taken by my friend  Laurie Sutherland  ( See More Here  - LogIn to Facebook) "Each of the transformational steps below miraculously  'appeared' in the early stages of my own spiritual path. Starting in 1986, I suddenly learned to laugh at my mother's cruel words — because it dawned on me that her caustic comments were ridiculous enough to make them more hilarious than hurtful.  Later, I was drawn to Develop My Intuition, Slow Down, Surrender to Life, and to discover the other tips shown here, long before this article was written. The process completely changed who I thought I was, and led me to take a huge Leap of Faith into a new and infinitely more rewarding life." ~Chelle Thompson   If I asked you what you wanted most out of life, either for yourself or your family, you'd probably say "happiness." You might say "money," but only because you think money will make you happy, which we all know doesn't. In the 24/7 technology-centric environment in which we live and work, true happiness seems to be less attainable than ever before, yet it's the one thing everyone seeks. Here are 10 ways that can help you bring more happiness into your life:   1. FIND THE HUMOR:  Don't you love being around someone who makes you laugh? There is humor to be found in just about anything that happens, even if it's just isolated moments within a grim situation. Put your comedian hat on and allow yourself to laugh. Laughter helps lighten the darkest of days, and as an added bonus, studies show that it helps boost the immune system. If you're healthier, you'll naturally be happier.   2. ACCEPT YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE: Accept yourself, with all your imperfections, and accept your life with all its ups and downs. Imperfections are what make you interesting. Life's ups and downs are what make it exciting. Wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same and nothing ever changed? Next time you're down, find something positive for which to be grateful and focus on that. 3. PRACTICE NEUTRALITY:  Neutrality keeps stress to a minimum and happiness to a maximum. It enables you to allow others to have completely different beliefs and opinions than yours without your judgment. You never have to be right, correct a wrong, control another person or prove a point. What others do and think or how they live their lives is really no business of yours, so just let it be.   4. TAKE TIME TO PLAY: There are 24 hours in a day. If you spend 18 of them working and the remaining six sleeping, like many people do, you can't possibly be happy. Be sure to schedule some play time every day. That could be spending quality time with your family, a spa treatment, a hobby, a vacation, a sport or even sex! Play gives you a much-needed break so that when you do return to work, you're more refreshed and productive.   5. DEVELOP YOUR INTUITION:  Believe it or not, tapping into your natural insight and intuition will make life much easier and happier. It can save you lots of time agonizing over decisions, and in some cases, it can even save your life. The best way to develop your intuition is through some kind of meditative practice. That could be as simple as taking a mindful walk, a yoga class, or practicing a few deep breaths every day. It's anything that helps clear your mind so you can connect within for a few moments. 6. NURTURE YOURSELF: You must remember to nurture all of you — the physical, emotional and spiritual you. On the spiritual side, this means giving yourself time to connect with your higher self to create inner peace and awareness. On the emotional side, it means doing things that make you feel good as long as you're not harming another person — quality time with loved ones, eating chocolate, gardening. The physical side is about honoring your body with nutritious food and exercise.   7. SLOW DOWN:  Let's face it. We're all in a big fat rush all the time. When you move quickly, you push aside all the things that give your life meaning, like being generous, thankful or kind to people. At the end of your life, it doesn't matter how much you got done in record time. What matters most is how many people you impacted positively and how much of your time was spent lovingly.   8. LIVE IN THE PRESENT: In order to enjoy life, you must live in the present. We spend a lot of time in regret about what has already happened or in fear about what might happen, rather than enjoying what's happening right now. The past is done and therefore cannot be changed. The future is unknown, so why worry about it? The present is now and the only time in which you can truly participate.   9. SURRENDER TO LIFE:  We are so hard-wired to control — to make things happen with our will. Surrendering doesn't mean giving up your power, but rather empowering the spirit within you to take over the controls once in a while. It means going with the flow, even though you don't know the outcome. It means taking a different turn even though it wasn't part of your plan. It means accepting that sometimes you don't have all the answers.   10. MAKE SOMEONE ELSE HAPPY: Think about how many ways you can make someone happy. It could be a pleasant smile, a compliment, a gift, a favor or anything else that brings joy to another. When you live your life with compassion and kindness for others, it gives you a natural "high" on happiness. Try it today. I guarantee you'll like it. By Debbie Gisonni, author, speaker and business leader. After a series of family tragedies that occurred while she was an executive in the high tech industry, Debbie embarked on a mission to help others navigate the ups and downs of life through her books, articles and talks. Debbie is the  President and CEO of Stillheart Institute, an educational retreat center and sanctuary in Woodside, CA, where organizations conduct programs for personal, professional or spiritual growth and development.  Her clients range from spiritual gurus to corporate leaders. Reprinted from HuffingtonPost.com

MOMENTS THAT MATTER: A New Year's Resolution

SEEK HAPPINESS 

IN SIMPLICITY

~ By Ann Pietrangelo ~

"What is the good life? In my view, you can find it by following a startlingly simple path. The 'pleasant life' might be had by drinking champagne and driving a Porsche, but not the good life. Rather, the good life is using your signature strengths every day to produce authentic happiness and abundant gratification. This is something you can learn to do in each of the main realms of your life: work, love, and raising children." - from the 2002 book, Authentic Happiness by Martin E.P. Seligman, PhD

Happiness can be found in simplicity. For me, simplicity is a streamlined work life; an uncluttered, pleasant home; and maintaining a deep connection with the people I love. When those three things are in balance I am freer to create, to play, and to do good wherever and whenever I can. It's that simple.

How many acts of kindness do you carry out in a day? As you go about your busy life, you probably perform more random acts of kindness than you think. That's what I realized when I read Linda Cohen's 1,000 Mitzvahs: How Small Acts of Kindness Can Heal, Inspire, and Change Your Life. In a chapter cleverly titled "Change the Toilet Paper," Linda discusses how the little things you do can make a big difference is someone else's day.  

"Keep your eyes open and be aware of what your neighbors, friends, and strangers are going through. It's an opportunity to pay it forward in your daily life."

Throughout the book, Linda shares examples of the simplest acts of kindness that we can all do with minimal effort:

• Change a roll of toilet paper in the restroom. (Nobody likes to get stranded!)

• Tell a manager about an employee’s exemplary customer service. (You complain when things go wrong, don’t you?)

• Listen to people you meet with an open and giving heart. (Listening is a powerful gift.)

• Try spontaneous giving. (It’s really quite addictive.)

• The next time you’re at the gym, get someone a towel.

• Assist someone by carrying their groceries or packages.

• Let someone go ahead of you in the checkout line.

• Scoop your poop! (No one wants to step in it!)

• Call upon an elderly neighbor.

• Thank someone who impacted your life.

• Accommodate someone else’s schedule.

• Befriend a parent on a plane. (It could make all the difference in the world.)


Simple, right? It's even likely that you perform these or similar kindnesses every day without even giving it a thought. It's even possible that by doing them, you inspire others to pay it forward.

When we welcomed 2011, I wondered if I'd be around to see 2012. As it turns out, I look and feel healthier than most people I know. Aside from my still faint eyebrows and eyelashes, and my boyish haircut, there is no clue that I survived triple-negative breast cancer and ten months of very aggressive treatment, or that I have multiple sclerosis. Life is funny that way.

Despite the difficulties of the year, I am truly grateful to have lived it — life is a roller coaster and I'm happy to take another turn on the ride in 2012.

May you find your version of simplicity and happiness.


Ann Pietrangelo is the author of No More Secs! Living, Laughing & Loving Despite Multiple Sclerosis. Making peace with multiple sclerosis, surviving triple-negative breast cancer, and continuing to pursue a career as a freelance writer ... well, let's just say she's fairly stubborn and doesn't lack a sense of humor. A member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors, her writing covers a wide range of topics, including multiple sclerosis patient information, her Living with Triple-Negative Breast Cancer series, general health news, copywriting, and articles for sites all around the web.

MOMENTS THAT MATTER: Become a New Radical

Top 10 Reasons to

Become a New Radical

~ By Julia Moulden ~

 When I was writing my book about New Radicals (that is, people like you and me who've found ways to leverage skills acquired in our careers and put them to work on the world's greatest challenges), I asked everyone I interviewed to imagine sitting down with readers over a cup of coffee or a glass of wine. And I asked these pioneers what they would say to people who are considering becoming New Radicals.

As you can imagine, their responses covered a broad spectrum of ideas and emotions. Yet, they also spoke with one voice, like an opera chorus, using the Nike tagline that got this generation off the couch once before, "Just do it!" They hope, as I do, that their stories will awaken you to the power within.

1. You will change someone's life.

"When I told the women in this village [a small town outside Kigali, Rwanda] I would return in April, they were happy. I heard later that they didn't believe me, saying to one another, 'Why would she leave a rich and beautiful country to come and help strangers?' When I came back, there were tears. It was so important to me to return in April, you see, so that they knew something good could happen in that month."  — Nicole Pageau, Ubuntu Edmonton http://UbuntuEdmonton.org/

2. You will change your own life.

"I got an injection of energy and excitement about my ability to contribute to the world. It was incredibly scary to let go, but it was also incredibly freeing. And I have not been this happy in years." —  Melissa Dyrdahl, Bring Light www.BringLight.com/

3. Your skills are needed.

"I can't think of any social cause that will say, 'That's it, we're done!' Everyone is toiling away at the things they care about. And there's always room for more people." —  Suzanne Seggerman, Games for Change http://GamesForChange.org/

4. You will discover the power of synchronicity.

"I don't know how the universe works, and I'm not a scientist, but there's no doubt in my mind that there are lots of synchronicities at work. The universe waits for you to say, 'I'm ready!' And when you've made the internal commitment, the universe, whatever it is, just delivers. It's extraordinary. But, it takes that deep, courageous moment, or series of moments." —  Mark Brayne, Braynework  www.Braynework.com/ and http://DartCenter.org/ 

5. Your view of the world will change.

"What I've learned from our alumni is the truly extraordinary impact they have on their kids' lives. It's funny, but it's fueled by a sense of dissatisfaction at the same time. On the one hand, it's possible to achieve, and on the other, we still have so far to go to reach the point where all of our teachers attain that level of success with their children, and ultimately, where the entire education system does, too. I've moved from having an idea that the world could be different, to realizing that not only should it, but that it really could." —  Wendy Kopp, Teach for America www.TeachForAmerica.com/

6. You will influence those around you.

"This work has been a great example to my kids. My son, who is in university, is becoming interested in international affairs and is learning about the inequities between rich and poor countries. And he feels that social awareness has been in our family since he was a little boy, but now it's nice to be able to deliver on it, in terms of true on-the-ground activism. I can actually demonstrate how a bunch of people like me made a difference in this community." —  Tony Leighton, Guelph Civic League http://GuelphCivicLeague.ca/

7. You will meet exceptional people.

"A fascinating by-product that I didn't expect is that when you do this work, you start to meet really interesting people. I've developed a new network of friends. My personal life's gotten much better, and they are exactly the kind of people I want to develop this new venture with, as well." —  Ron Dembo, Zerofootprint http://ZeroFootprint.net/

8. You will feel connected to something bigger.

"There are a lot of people out there who are disadvantaged and, you know, I could have been one. It's so important to help one another. I have friends who have all the material things in life, but aren't happy. I tell that they'll be amazed at what happens if they spend just one day a week helping someone in need." — Paul Gillespie, Kids' Internet Safety Alliance http://KINSA.net

9. You will play a part in saving the world.

"I've seen kids in refugee camps move from apathy and violence to happiness and hope for the future. They become children again." —  Johann Koss, Right to Play www.RightToPlay.com/site/PageServer

10. You will die happy.

"I think the worst thing in the world is to be lying on your death bed saying, 'I wish I had tried.' Putting yourself out there, and giving yourself the opportunity to do some good, is noble in its own right. The other thing I tell people is that with the traditional career arc, the more money we make, the more we buy, and the more we make to keep feeding those things. In the process, we forget that we're not any happier, and maybe less so. To my mind, it's better to live 24 hours a day meaningfully rather than just the hours when you're not at work." — Kevin Salwen, Motto Magazine www.youtube.com/watch?v=rWPGbr18OlY 

A powerful new idea is sweeping North America: that "doing good" can mean more than volunteering and philanthropy. That how we earn our living can become the way we give back. We Are the New Radicals both reports on this emerging trend and will help create it - by awakening people from all walks of life and inspiring them to take their place in the movement that is changing the world.

Julia Moulden is an author, speaker, and columnist (www.JuliaMoulden.com). Julia offers practical advice for people who want to reinvent their work and gives answers to questions such as "What are my motivations?" "What skills can I leverage?" "Where is the greatest need?" and "How do I get there from here?". She believes that in the next few decades, we have a remarkable opportunity — as individual human beings, and as an international family —  to realize our full potential and, in doing so, to solve many of the problems that face us.

Julia Moulden's new book, "RIPE: Rich, Rewarding Work After 50", was published in April, 2011. It's a 12-week course in discovering passion, purpose and possibility at midlife.  Her second book,"We Are The New Radicals: A Manifesto for Reinventing Yourself and Saving the World", was published internationally by McGraw-Hill, New York (2008). It reports on a powerful new idea that is sweeping North America: that “doing good” can mean more than volunteering and philanthropy. That how we earn our living can become the way we give back. It offers practical advice for people who want to reinvent their work.

Read our corresponding
Inspiration Line issue this week
IT'S A NEW BEGINNING...
TIME TO CHOOSE THE POSSIBILITIES:

www.InspirationLine.com/EZINE/2JAN2012.htm

MOMENTS THAT MATTER (12/10/11)

Are You Willing to Move

from Helpless to Helpful?

~ By Russell Bishop ~

Whenever I post something about how you might be able to work around life's challenging situations, some readers inevitably resort to trashing the idea as some kind of "drivel" or "snake oil." I know it's hard for many to imagine that these ideas about taking control of what happens to you actually work; however, these are practical suggestions that do, in fact, work — but only if you are willing to work them.

Inevitably, life is going to present each of us with difficult situations. Many of us have lost jobs, incomes and homes in the worst economy of our lifetime. Others have been stricken with major health issues, and most of us will encounter personal loss more than once along the way. The question is not so much about how to avoid what happens to you but how to respond.

While you may not be able to control what happens to you, you do get to control how you respond. The real question becomes: how do you work around whatever might befall you?

Here's an example from a reader who sent an e-mail to me on Dec. 30, as New Year's Eve was rapidly approaching. She wanted to share her personal version of moving from victim to victor, with a preference to be known simply as "A Thoughtful Reader":

During the first Christmas Season after my husband's death, I was washing my dishes and thinking despairing thoughts about New Year's Eve and New Year's Day and how my Richard wouldn't be there to wish me a happy New Year. In fact, all my friends would be hunkered down with their own spouses for New Year's Eve or involved in family get-togethers. I made myself feel worse by picturing myself alone on New Year's Eve watching the ball drop on TV and all the people hugging and kissing each other and remembering how my Richard and I had done that just a year before.

As I got deeper into my grief, a phrase popped into my head out of nowhere. Like a disembodied Yoda scolding: "Be helpful not helpless!"

This thought disrupted my pity party and cleared my mind. As I contemplated the application of it, I remembered an idea I had had for many years. I always wanted to host an open house for the neighbors on New Year's Day. Just a simple "drop-in-for-soup-and-sandwiches" type of afternoon. My husband had never been interested in the idea, but now there was nothing stopping me from doing it. As I got busy with the planning, the gloom and doom disappeared. It was a success. I have made it into a yearly event.

This may seem like a superficial example but the phrase "Be helpful not helpless" is the key to guiding me back on the path because it focuses me on possibilities and my strengths and resources. It has become the starting point for all my ventures and I'm sharing this with you because I feel it relates to the point you were making creating life the way we want rather than the one we settle for.

What a great example of choosing to take control of what you can instead of staying mired in the self-imposed hopelessness of the situation.

My new book, "Workarounds That Work: How to Conquer Anything that Stands in Your Way at Work," provides numerous examples of how you can overcome complex systems, frustrating processes or negative and resistant people at work. These same principles that can help you succeed at work can also help you succeed in your personal life.

If you want to make a difference in your life, whether it is in your personal life, your career or just life in general, the best advice anyone can give you is to start where you are and make whatever improvement you can right here, right now.

You may not be able to overcome the whole situation right away, but if you at least get going, you will start to experience some improvement, and some improvement is a heck of a lot better than none. As "Thoughtful Reader" found in her own experience, it's time to start moving from helpless to helpful.

What could you do to make your life less frustrating and more successful? Are you willing to own the outcome you prefer and do what you must to move from helpless to helpful?

Russell Bishop is an educational psychologist, author, executive coach and management consultant based in Santa Barbara, Calif. Watch for his new book, "Workarounds That Work: How to Conquer Anything that Stands in Your Way at Work."  You can find out more about Russell at www.workaroundsthatwork.com. You can also download a free chapter of his new book by going to his website and clicking "Download a free chapter."

Read our corresponding

Inspiration Line issue this week

My Holiday Wish:

www.InspirationLine.com/EZINE/12DEC2011.htm

ANSWERS & ENCOURAGEMENT (12/3/11)

WHEN IT COMES TO

DOING GOOD:

"Be Prepared For Complaints"

~From Kindness: Making a Difference in People's Lives
- Formulas, Stories, and Insights ~

One of my students told me:

"I can't believe it. Before I was devoted to helping others, very few people had complaints against me. It seems that the more I do for others, the more that people are upset with me. Those I help, complain, 'Why aren't you doing more?' Those I am unable to help complain, 'How come you help other people and not me?' Those who are angry with me for various reasons tell me, 'You feel that just because you help people you don't have to live up to other obligations.'"

When you devote your life to helping others, you are likely to arouse envy, animosity, and resentment. The needs of the people you help can be so great that they will be angry you aren't helping them even more than you are. Your energy, time, and other resources are limited, so those you don't help might feel resentful that you do more for others than you do for them.

Some people will be envious of the good you do. In order to feel better about themselves, they will find it easier to put you down than to do more themselves. They are likely to challenge your motivations when they say things like:

o "He only helps others because of his overblown ego."
o "She only helps those whom she feels will help her."
o "He wants to get ahead politically so he does favors for others."
o "She only does kindnesses because she's compensating for feelings of inferiority."

Even if it isn't true, cynical or envious people are likely to make these claims. Someone with mixed motives — he wants to help others and he does enjoy honor — is likely to feel more hurt about this than someone whose motivations are pure. But anyone who has a sensitive nature can feel hurt.

Being criticized is part of the price one pays for helping others. This elevates you: You are willing to personally suffer in order to do acts of kindness for others. Acknowledge the truth of a complaint and it will be easier to tolerate.

o "Yes. I should do a lot more than I am doing. I'm sorry that I'm limited."
o "I agree that I'm only doing a drop in the bucket of what is needed."
o "I acknowledge it would be wonderful if I were doing more than I am."
o "Yes. I am inconsistent. But I feel it's better to continue doing the good that I'm doing than to consistently do nothing for others."

One of my students explained: "I remember how shocked I was when someone whom I've helped greatly told me off in great anger, 'You aren't there for me enough when I really need you. O.K., so you did help me before but what about lately!'

"After this I heard about being prepared for such occurrences. The next time someone I had helped attacked me for not doing enough for them, I was mentally ready to answer with true compassion, 'I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me. I see how much you've suffered. It's really rough.'

"The amazing thing is that when I said this with sincere concern, the person's anger subsided and I received an apology. My response was, 'That's all right. I understand the pressure you were under.' We parted with good feelings.

KINDNESS & GIVING:  "Ten Don'ts"

[1]  DON'T be obsessed with the people you can't help.
Focus on the people you can. You are a mortal. You, like everyone else, are limited. Obsessing about what you can't do prevents you from thinking about things you can do.

[2]  DON'T let the lack of kindness and giving of others influence you to stop helping and giving.
Some people feel resentful, "Other people aren't helping. Why should I?" We learn from role models. Learn from those who are kind, not from those who aren't.

[3]  DON'T keep trying to help someone who truly doesn't want your help.
Some people are very independent. They could gain from accepting your help. But their need to be on their own is stronger than their wish for your help. Be aware that some people really want your help but are embarrassed about it. If you feel that is the situation, try to say things to put the person at ease.

[4]  DON'T give up too soon.
Some people might think that you really won't be able to help them so they initially tell you not to bother. If you don't give up, both you and the other person will see that he will gain much more than he thought.

[5] DON'T complain that other people keep asking you to do things for them.
If others come to you for help, it's an expression that they believe you are a kind person. You might not be able to meet other people's needs right now, but by being aware of their needs, you might think of a creative solution.

[6]  DON'T tell anyone, "I had to go without this for a long time. So you also can go without it."
Other people have a right to something even if you didn't always have it. If you don't want to help someone, just say a polite, "No."

[7] DON'T be hurt if a selfish person complains that you are selfish.
Some selfish people try to manipulate giving people by telling them they are selfish. Perhaps you are being selfish. Then again, perhaps not. You might want to ask objective outsiders for their opinion.

[8]  DON'T be naïve. Don't believe every story you hear.
If a story seems questionable, check it out. If you have good reason to believe that someone is lying to you, perhaps he is. But be very careful. Someone's sad story might not at first seem true, but it could very well be that it is. A person who loves kindness would rather err on the possibility of helping someone who doesn't need it rather than not helping someone who does.

[9]  DON'T say things that might cause someone to feel badly when you help him.
Some people might say things such as, "This is so difficult for me to do. I don't know why I agreed to do this for you." Or, "This is the last time I'll commit myself to do this for anyone."

[10]  DON'T embarrass someone when you do something for him.
Be careful not to say or do anything in the presence of others that would cause distress to the person you are trying to help.

From the Partners in Kindness free weekly e-mail
For further information, please visit our Website:
 www.PartnersInKindness.org
By Zelig Pliskin Printed with Permission of Shaar Press

Read our corresponding

Inspiration Line issue this week

Hug It Forward … Magic in a Bottle:

www.InspirationLine.com/EZINE/5DEC2011.htm

ANSWERS & ENCOURAGEMENT (11/5/11)

Tips For Giving Memorable
Praise — And Why To Bother

~By Gretchen Rubin~

I just finished a very engaging book, Richard Stengel's You're Too Kind: A Brief History of Flattery. I wish I'd had this book as a resource when I was writing my first book, Power Money Fame Sex. It's a treasure trove of anecdotes and observations about flattery — a topic which comes up with some frequency when you're writing about money, power, fame, and relationships.

The book is history and social criticism, but at the end, Stengel includes a list called "How to flatter without getting caught."

To put flattery in a happier context, I adapted his list to focus on giving good praise rather than flattery. Now, what's the difference between flattery and praise? Flattery is strategic; it's praise given for a self-serving reason. But many of the same rules apply:

1. Be specific. Vague praise doesn't make much of an impression.

2. Find a way to praise sincerely. It's a rare situation where you can't identify something that you honestly find praiseworthy.

3. Never offer praise and ask for a favor in the same conversation. It makes the praise seem like a set-up.

4. Don't over-praise. Keep it credible and realistic.

5. Look for something less obvious to praise — a more obscure accomplishment or quality that a person hasn't heard praised many times before.

6. Don't hesitate to praise people who get a lot of praise already. I've noticed this myself; even people who get constant praise — or perhaps especially people who get constant praise — crave praise. Is this because praiseworthy people are often insecure? Or does getting praise lead to a need for more praise? I'm not sure, but it seems often to be the case.

7. Praise people behind their backs. The praised person usually hears about the praise, and behind-the-back praise seems more sincere than face-to-face praise.

8. Beware when a person asks for your honest opinion. This is often a clue that they're seeking reassurance, not candor.

9. Don't damn with faint praise. "You were so lousy when you started, you've really come a long way" or "You did a much better job than I expected" is not praise that will warm people's hearts.

Because the way we feel is very much influenced by the way we act, by acting in a way that shows appreciation, discernment, and thoughtfulness, we make ourselves feel more appreciative, discerning, and thoughtful. And that boosts happiness.

Have you thought of any other good ways for giving people praise? As my mother once wisely pointed out to me, "Most people probably don't get the appreciation they deserve." Very true, and therefore ... if you're grappling with the opposite problem — of not getting enough praise yourself — check out these Five tips for dealing with feeling unappreciated: http://www.happiness-project.com/happiness_project/2009/04/taken-for-granted-5-tips-for-dealing-with-feeling-unappreciated.html

I'm a praise junkie, myself, so have tried all these strategies. With mixed success.

Gretchen Rubin is a writer working on The Happiness Project—
an account of the year she spent test-driving every conceivable principle about how to be happy, from the wisdom of the ages to current scientific studies, from Aristotle to Ben Franklin to Martin Seligman. On her Happiness Project blog, she reports her daily adventures on her way to becoming happier. Rubin is a graduate of Yale Law School and was editor-in-chief of the Yale Law Journal. 

Read our corresponding

Inspiration Line issue this week

THE GIFT:
 http://www.inspirationline.com/EZINE/7NOV2011.htm

ANSWERS & ENCOURAGEMENT (10/22/2011):

WHAT IS YOUR ROPE TIED TO?

~By Steve Goodier~

You may have heard of the man who decided to repair the roof of his house. The pitch was steep, and to be safe, he tied a rope around his waist and threw the other end of it over the top of the house. He called his son and asked him to tie it to something secure. The boy fastened the safety rope to the bumper of their car parked in the driveway. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

But a little while later, his wife needed to run a few errands with the automobile. Unaware of the line securing her husband, she started the car and proceeded to drive away. The rope immediately tightened and jerked the man over the roof and into thin air. Now before you become alarmed, let me assure you that this never really happened. But I chuckle at the image of the poor guy sailing over the top of his house like Evel Knievel without a motorcycle.

This story, factual or not, points to a great truth. It is a truth about where we place our security; about those things to which we've tied our safety lines. What is your rope tied to?  Think about it. What do you depend on to keep you from disaster? Is your rope tied to a good job? Is it tied to a relationship with somebody you rely on? Is it tied to a company or an organization?

In her wise and sensitive audio LESSONS IN LIVING ( http://tinyurl.com/3vyjufo ), writer Susan Taylor tells of discovering how unreliable some of our safety lines really are. She tells of lying in bed in the early hours of the morning when an earthquake struck. As her house shook, she tumbled out of bed and managed to stand underneath an arched door-way in her hall, watching in horror as her whole house tumbled down around her. Where her bed had once stood, she later discovered nothing but a pile of rubble. She lost everything - every button, every dish, her automobile, every stitch of clothing.

Susan huddled, scared and crying, in the darkness. In the pre-dawn morning she cried and called out for help. As exhaustion set in, she thought that maybe she should be listening for rescuers rather than making so much commotion. So she grew still and listened. In the silence around her, the only sound she heard was the beating of her own heart. It occurred to her then that at least she was still alive and, amazingly enough, unhurt.

She thought about her situation. In the stillness, fear abandoned her and a feeling of indescribable peace and happiness flooded in, the likes of which she had never before known. It was an experience that was to permanently change her life.

In the deepest part of her being, Susan realized a remarkable truth. She realized she had nothing to fear. Amazingly, whether or not she was ever rescued, whether she even made it out alive, she sensed she had nothing to fear.

For the first time in her life she understood that her true security did not depend on those things in which she had placed her trust. It lay deep within. And also for the first time, she knew what it was to be content in all circumstances. She realized that, in an ultimate sense, whether she had plenty or hardly enough, somehow she would be all right. She just knew it.

She later wrote, "Before the quake I had all the trappings of success, but my life was out of balance. I wasn't happy because I was clinging to things in my life and always wanting more. My home, my job, my clothes, a relationship - I thought they were my security. It took an earthquake and losing everything I owned for me to discover that my security had been with me all along . . . There's a power within us that we can depend upon no matter what is happening around us."

She had tied her rope to the wrong things. It took a disaster for her to understand that those things are untrustworthy. So she let go of the rope and discovered peace. She found that her true security was a power within - dependable and sure. What is your rope tied to? And what would happen if you found the courage to let go of it?

By Steve Goodier:
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encouraging lift. To the point, high quality, often humorous and

always encouraging, these uplifting and thought-provoking

messages by Steve Goodier can make a positive difference.

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Read our corresponding

Inspiration Line issue this week

A LUCKY LOGGERHEAD

TURTLE BEATS THE ODDS:

http://www.inspirationline.com/EZINE/24OCT2011.htm